John Ruskin self portrait 1861
The burnings of Crystal Palace and Ruskin’s women
By Bruce Gregory
‘Here’s to John Ruskin, the greatest art critic who ever lived,’ said the old man, raising his glass. I raised mine too:
‘Here’s to the great man,’ I said
Last year on Boxing Day, while sipping a solitary pint in the Dog in Dulwich Village, I had noticed a thin, balding, elderly gentleman alone in the corner. He must have been about ninety. On an impulse, I had walked over.
He had been talking about Ruskin’s visits to the pub and to the Picture Gallery.
‘He didn’t like all the pictures, you know. Baroque was horrible. Modern was good. One day he wrote: ‘Walked down to the Gallery and thought the pictures worse than ever; came away encouragingly disgusted.’
‘A sort of Victorian Brian Sewell,’ I said
‘Who?’
Suddenly he slammed his glass on the table:
‘Did you know that on this exact day in 1866, Ruskin visited the Crystal Palace Exhibition in Sydenham?’
The mechanical clown 1865
He went on: ‘He loathed the place, you know. When he walked his dog to the top of Herne Hill he could see the bloody thing. It was a third of a mile long. Caught the sun. Ruined the view. Called it a giant cucumber frame.’
‘Not a bad description,’ I said, ‘The designer, Paxton, was the Chatham House gardener, wasn’t he.’
The old man rubbed his nose and looked away.
‘It was even worse than he expected, you know. Ruskin thought it was a kind of cathedral to materialism. And right there, in the apse of this horrible cathedral, was the most hideous object…’
‘Go on,’ I said
‘A huge mechanical clown face, squinting and grinning and above it the words ‘Here we are again.’’
‘I imagine that offended his artistic sensibilities,’ I said
‘Certainly bloody did.’
The old man paused, gazing morosely into his glass, then continued:<
Effie Gray by Millais
‘1866 was bad for Ruskin, poor chap. Rose La Touche had turned him down. He blamed it on Effie, his first wife. She had run off with Millais in 1854, the exact same year that the Palace first blighted the view. Effie said that Ruskin had a marital problem…’
‘Which was?’
‘Permanent droop. Mind you I think it was lies’
‘Wasn’t Rose a bit young?’
‘Seventeen. He was fifty. And what’s wrong with that? Goes on all the time in the Middle East.’
‘Bit rarer in Dulwich.’
Rose La Touch by John Ruskin
‘Then it happened. Or rather it didn’t. Since the wind was blowing the wrong way.’
‘The wrong way?’
‘He told Rose that he did it for her. A mistake. She died nine years later in an asylum. Anorexia? Regret? Her secret diaries give some clues.’
‘Sorry, what did he do?’
‘Just five days after his visit, the Palace caught fire. Started right by the clown. It was evening. Ruskin was walking his dog and had a fine view. But the wind was blowing the wrong way…’
‘Wrong?’
‘Yes, it was blowing north so just the north transept was destroyed.’
‘Are you implying Ruskin did it?’
The old man ignored my question:
‘I’m the last member of the Guild of St George, sworn to fight materialism The others have gone. Ruskin founded the Guild and wrote it into his will. Contested of course on the grounds that he was mad when he died. It’s over now, but we’ve done our best.’
He drained his glass and began to struggle to his feet.
‘The next fire started in the same place in 1936. This time the wind was blowing the right way and the whole thing went up. Ruskin didn’t think about the wind. But we did. You could see it all the way to Brighton. A grand sight.’
‘You were there?’
‘I was just seventeen. There were 88 fire brigades but they were too late.’
‘How do you know about 1866?’ I asked.
He pulled on his coat and scarf and took a firm hold of his stick.
‘Rose’s secret diary. It was a pleasure to meet you, Mr aah. My name, by the way, is Phineas, Phineas La Touche.’
With that, he pushed on his hat and made his way to the door.
Ruskin Walks His Dog – part one – homes and women
Is Phineas speaking the truth?
Next post is a Ruskin quiz. Find out how much you know about him.
